The Frightening Admission of Mr. Prosit [Part 3 of 3]
Comments: 0 - Date: October 13th, 2006 - Categories: Prose
[…continued from Wednesday]
Mr. Prosit,
Your letter arrived at my door only one day delayed. The postmaster overseeing my former neighborhood in Philadelphia is very diligent, and being aware of our past correspondence—and perhaps in conjunction with a comment I had mentioned regarding my eagerly awaiting your earlier letters—took it upon himself to have your mail forwarded to my current address.
As public opinion has turned against you, so has it turned against me and I shall be moving again. In this I am insistent: do not attempt to contact me again. I have nothing more to say to you.
But I am not a man such as yourself, and I still care for your well being, so I leave you with a warning: the rationed stock of Ambrosia in the city is dwindling, and there has been talk of a multitude of citizens organizing and pushing west to your location in an attempt to secure more from your factories. If you are to heed my words, leave immediately and take up residence in a private locale as I have done.
I fear this mob cannot be stopped; the drug you have created is surely strong—I do not think you fully realize what you have done. I am utterly convinced of your callousness and nothing will change that fact. But it is my prayer that you will see the error of your ways and repent.
Thaddeus Tucker, M.D.
Dr. Tucker,
Despite your opposition to my continued writing, I have endeavored to contact you a final time. As I write this, I have heard rumor of the approaching mob. I will be leaving the area as you so advised, but I remain steadfast in proclaiming my innocence.
Enclosed with this package are two bottles of my Ambrosia Moderne. They are part of the unsold stock which languished in my warehouses following the ban of their sale in Philadelphia. As you can clearly see by the signature across the seal, they were bottled some time ago; I hope this will serve to convince you that what I am about to say is the truth.
Previously I had stated my reluctance to release the details of my product citing competition. While this is a valid concern, I have not been wholly truthful as this was not my primary concern, though I implied that it was.
Sales of the Ambrosia were so strong initially, that I did not want to reveal the nature of the product for fear no one would purchase it. As you can clearly see on the label, the bottle simply states that it contains “a natural elixir, essential for life and health.” This is true. But again, I state that there is absolutely nothing in the Ambrosia which would cause the city of Philadelphia to act so violently as it did. That is because there is nothing in it.
You see, Ambrosia Moderne is nothing but water. Triple distilled, but otherwise very ordinary. I’m sure you understand that even a fool would refuse to pay for something as simple as water, and so I simply did not mention it.
As to why the paper originally published that tale associating certain effects with the Ambrosia, I cannot venture to say. I suspect it was a piece of fiction; or perhaps the author drunk my product in conjunction with something else, more potent, which triggered the described hallucinations. Regardless, it seems to have started rash of similarly outlandish stories.
I did not cease production of the product because I cannot rightly comprehend how it would have any influence on behaviour whatsoever. Of course, the inspectors found nothing as there was nothing to be found.
In light of this, I offer these bottles that you might test and verify my claims as fact. The situation has become so grim that I do not trust anyone else would believe me. How could I have foreseen that selling nothing but water in bottles would lead to such a catastrophe as we are witnessing now?
I do not consider myself guilty of any wrongdoing, yet if I am put on trial with a jury of Philadelphians, I cannot begin to suppose my fate.
Edward Prosit
President, Prosit Bottling Co. Inc.