These things come and go on the internets, as is to be expected. I’ve been hit with them before, more often via email, but also once since I started writing this Not A Blog™. I’m talking about “chain-memes”, for lack of a better term. These are things which share an ancestory with chain letters, but are usually some sort of goofy request for information, generally in the sense that one is supposed to reveal certain priviledged data that might not be revealed in the course of casual correspondence.

Too overanalyzed? Yes, of course.

Gale Martin of L’esprit de L’escalier (the same person who runs the Fantastic Friday Flash) recently tagged me with the “Weird Nine” meme. To wit: those who are tagged are to list nine weird things about themselves, and having enlightened the world as to the nature of their strangeness, tag nine others to do likewise.

I wish I could say that the difficulty of coming up with nine odd factoids about one’s person is surprisingly high. For me, it wasn’t. However, there are a number of things to differentiate between, say for example, the difference between something weird and something trivial. Or something weird and something noteworthy. To be certain, there are many things about myself that are simply unknown, but not particularly strange. I endeavored to list those things which are, to the greatest extent possible, out of the ordinary, and barring that, unexpected. But keep in mind that for every single item that’s listed here, there are perhaps two or three others that could have been in its place.

In addition, I have already discussed some of my odd aspects, often at length, in other blog entries. In this way they are not foreign to regular readers, but I thought the “Weird Nine” meme would be a good way to organize these things into a single location—yet another convenience when people ask me about me. With this in mind, I have linked to the specific article, when appropriate.

The second part of this meme involves tagging nine others. This I do not do. I’m not trying to ruin anyone’s fun; I just don’t intentionally spread memes. I find it too chain-letter-esque. Aside from the fact that I actually do not have nine friends to tag, I’m also not going to go out of my way to, as they say, keep the chain alive. If you read this and think it’s a neat idea and want to actively spread said meme in your blog, by all means do so. I’m just not going to tag you, specifically.

To structure this list I have done two things. Firstly, it is in three sections of three entries each. In considering the oddities relating to any person in general, I found they tend to fall into a few catagories. I then exploited this realization to structure my thinking, in turn saving time and energy. (I’m all about that “work smarter, not harder” malarkey, but in all cases, I prefer to work less.) Secondly, I’ve numbered them with letters in order to prevent the assumption that any few of them are more important than the others. Indeed, some are; however, I’m again not going to go through the extra work of making a kind of “top nine” list, so they are simply lettered.

If you are any sort of regular reader you’ll know some of these. If you’re a friend, you’ll know some of these. If you’re a regular reader and a friend, I’m afraid I have nothing new for you. So it goes.

Sans additional belaboring:

The Weird Nine

Weirdness of Physical Form

A. I have a blonde patch on the left side of my head. This is only apparent when my hair is freshly cut short, as the lighter hair doesn’t grow out. Even then many people assume it to be a trick of the light. But when I move and the shine doesn’t, people start to stare at the side of my head. It has happened often enough now that I know what they’re looking at, and so I can answer their thoughts by informing them that yes, I do have a spot, not unlike some sort of animal.

B. I only had one wisdom tooth. And that mass was only half a tooth, not even close to fully formed. The others just aren’t there. I like to think of myself as a transitionary form in the next step of human evolution.

C. My feet are unusually wide. I have never, in my life, worn a pair of shoes that fit. If the shoe is a regular, I need to buy shoes one and a half sizes too large in order that my feet might fit in them horizontally. If I can find wides (which is hit or miss), I only need to go one size larger. But either way, the shoes you see me wear at any given time have at least an inch of empty space at the top.

Weirdness of Preference

D. I despise cheesecake. [See related post] Next to fried zucchini, it is the worst “food” I’ve ever had. I mention this because, to the best of my knowledge, I have never met anyone else who can’t stand it. Some people are indifferent; as in it’s not their first choice of dessert, but they’ll eat it if it’s there. I have already not eaten dessert at meals where cheesecake is the only option. It is vile.

E. My dream car is the DeLorean DMC-12. That’s the car Doc used for his time machine in Back to the Future, for those who don’t know. I’m fully aware that they are underpowered, overweight, maintenance-heavy machines. But the proportions of Giugiaro’s design are superb. I think it’s a work of art. In most things, I prefer aesthetics over performance, so while a stock DMC-12 won’t beat anyone on the quarter mile, it still turns heads. And they’re inexpensive enough that I just might be able to afford one, some day.

F. I’m terrified of heights. I have no problems with flying, but if I’m high on a stationary structure, I cannot bear to be within less than three steps of the edge. This includes clearly protected ledges, like seeing the ground through a pane of glass. I was in a hotel where the walkways to all the rooms were open to the middle of the building—all the way down to the ground level. Even though my room was only on the third floor, I had to walk with my shoulder touching the inside wall.

Weirdness of Being

G. I’m asexual. [See related post] I’m not particularly attracted to anyone, and even when I am, I definitely don’t want to have sex with them. I suppose it goes without saying that I’m a virgin, but also I have never kissed anyone, nor have I ever dated. Having a girlfriend seems like a huge hassle—not to mention a huge expense—and I really want nothing to do with it.

H. I do not remember my dreams. I do occassionaly recall that I’ve had a dream, particularly if I wake in the middle of one. But I don’t remember specifics, and certainly not entire threads or “story lines” as they might be called. Interestingly, the things I remember most about dream snapshots are the architectural spaces—but this usually only lasts for a few minutes.

I. I have out of body experiences. Or, perhaps more correctly, had out of body experiences, seeing as how the last one I had was a few years ago. It’s quite a trick of the grey matter. I can readily differentiate these from dreams, because while I don’t remember dreaming, OBEs are perfectly clear, just like I remember things in real life.

That should cover it. Like I said, there are a lot of other things in addition to these rather basic nine. If you keep reading, I’ll probably mention them here, eventually. But in general, as you can see, I’m not a very odd person. Some people are gifted with a strange life. Some are not. Those who aren’t become writers, in order that they may inject more weird into their lives. So it goes.

-Ted