Not A Blog™

I mentioned this article a few days ago. I finally got around to making it long enough. The idea behind this post is: there are a lot of little observations I make about the world. However, these things aren’t, individually, noteworthy enough to carry an entire Not A Blog™ entry. Because of this, I’ve collected all these things into one post.

With many of these, I’ve never heard anyone else talking about them. Am I the only one who notices these things? Is it just me?

Don’t all hair salons look like they’re stuck in the 80’s? For that matter, why does every hair salon use Neue Helvetica 25 Ultra Light somewhere in their marketing materials?

What’s the deal with people cruising happily behind another car in the slow lane for the half mile you cover while catching up to them in the fast lane, only to have them decide right as you get to them that right NOW they have to pass, and so cut out in front of you? Aside from being dangerous, it doesn’t really save any time. How much time would that person have to wait until I passed? Like two more seconds? If they were in that much of a hurry, why didn’t they pass the car in front of them miles before?

Speaking of driving, is there a term for that impatient movement that standard-shift car drivers do with the gear-shifter at intersections? I do it all the time, and every stick driver I’ve ridden with does it, too. It’s like when you pull the stick over and shift to first, but then immediately pop it back to neutral—just to make sure it’s not in gear, even if you just checked it like two seconds before. I’ve often wondered how I would describe that happening in a story.

Have you ever noticed how some people look like caricatures of other people? It’s sort of like the “caricature double”. In the same way of that meme that says everyone has a double who looks just like them, I also think everyone has a caricature double who looks like a goofy version of them.

Am I the only one who thinks political bumper stickers are a phenomenally bad idea? If the guy on your sticker loses, then you’re just reminding everyone that you voted for a loser. If the guy on your sticker wins, you’re just rubbing the results of the election in everyone else’s face, which seems rude to me. Either way, you look like a moron—and to top it all off, the stickers are next-to-impossible to remove. Why bother?

Why isn’t there a word for the phenomenon of something tasting the way something else smells? This happens all the time and I can never figure out a satisfactory way of describing it. That really bothers me.

When people want to compare one thing to another, they’ll sometimes lead off their comparison by saying, “on the other hand…” Why isn’t it valid, then, when supporting a point with further examples, to say, “on the same hand…”? You have to use a completely different saying, such as, “along those lines…” That’s weird.

If you’re like me, you carry a lot of keys (including ones for cars you no longer have or doors you no longer use). Has anyone else noticed the following: on some days, the keys fold into the most compact and ergonomic shape allowed by their topography, while on other days they’re a huge spikey ball that refuses to lay right in your pocket. I often wonder if there’s a way to increase the naturally folding compactness versus unweildy ratio.

I’m not a big fan of the flavor of mint. It’s too strong and…minty. But also, has anyone else noticed that it increases the apparent coldness of water by about 8000%? Instant freeze. What’s the deal with that?

Speaking of flavors, does anyone else get the impression that the scientists who create scents and flavors just dump a bunch of keytones together and name the resulting concoction by whatever it mostly smells like? I noticed this when I was in a candle shop the other day. They had a candle scent called “Amber Sunset”. According to the label it smelled like “a relaxing island cocktail of exotic spices and flowers.” That’s a lot of vague junk for one scent, especially for it to be designed. More likely someone tripped and dumped their lo mein into a fresh batch of aromatic hydrocarbons. Rather than throw the solution away, they tried to describe the scent as something evocative and stuck it in a candle. I think this happens with sodas, too.

Those are my thoughts. The world is a very strange place—or is it just me?

-Ted