Not A Blog™

Gentlemen, there has been considerable concern from the American people, recently, over the prohibition of photography from certain buildings. I will be the first to point out that this is a real life catch-22 in most cases. The buildings one is not allowed to photograph are buildings one is not permitted to know anything about because they are highly classified. One of the pieces of information that is classified is whether or not the building can be photographed. Subsequently, the only way to know whether or not it is permissible to photograph the building is if one tries and is arrested.

Obviously the solution is to stop trying.

Of course, there are some people who just won’t put down the camera, and now they’re all over the interwebs complaining about how their hobby is in danger and how banning the photographing of public buildings which you can see is hardly fighting terrorism. Naturally what they don’t know is that bin Laden is a shutterbug himself—a dangerous man with a Canon. We can take no chances. Besides, the last thing we need is photographic proof of the enormous amounts of time wasted behind these walls. That wouldn’t do.

Despite our best efforts to impede their progress, cameras are still able to take pictures. However, there are now two technologies available which will put an end to this, and will simultaneously allow us to dispense with the rent-a-cops.

The first is infrared ink or paint. This is ink which is invisible to the human eye, but shows up when photographed. Most digital cameras today have sensors which see a wider range of the electromagnetic spectrum than the human eye, and so would be able to see this “invisible” ink. It would remain invisible to everyone else, preventing any attention being drawn to the structure or landmark on which it is applied. Additionally, legal disclaimers or EULAs could be written in this ink, which only show when an object is photographed. In this way, high interest yet unclassified subjects, such as the Statue of Liberty, would be recorded by civilian instruments complete with an agreement to the effect of “reading this message means you photographed it, and by photographing, you have agreed to the following conditions…” As far as EULAs are concerned, this practice has been maintained as legal by the courts. (That very nice dinner at the Ritz-Carlton last 4th of July helped in this capacity.)

The second important development is the successful implementation of the EURion constellation over the past decade. As you know, we have had nearly 100% adoption of this standard across all color-copier manufacturers, as well as all computer scanner makers and photo-editing software vendors, effectively preventing the copying, scanning, or other digital manipulation of legal tender currency. A quick recap for those of you who may not be familiar with EURion: it is a pattern of circles exhibiting certain mathematical properties in relation to each other (distance, size, etc.), which are detected by the device scanning the currency. When this pattern is recognized, the scanning process is halted.

With these two things in mind, the solution becomes clear: create a photographic equivalent of EURion using invisible paint. The threat of import tariffs and supply-chain stonewalling will aid in the enforcment and acceptance of this new photographic EURion standard across all camera manufacturers.

Aside from compliancy, the following problems exist. A pattern needs to be developed that can be recognized at different angles and in different lighting conditions. Rather than circles, squares may be easier to compute in perspective. The pattern needs to be small enough to cover as much of the building as possible, but large enough to be read by the camera. As megapixels continue to increase, this should not be much of an issue. Also, filters which block the part of the spectrum we use would need to be removed from the market, and other filters redesigned to accept this wavelength. Finally, traditional film cameras would not be affected by this process—but nobody uses them anymore, anyway.

The benefits, on the other hand, are many. It is simple and fast to deploy, requires little maintenance, and is unobtrusive. It eliminates the need for security to stop photographers (although the extra measure doesn’t hurt). It removes the need for corrective action from the fundemental catch-22 and, being passive, it will annoy fewer people.

Increased protection for our assets is required now more than ever. The combination of EURion-like security features in infrared paint will allow for the prevention of photographing large structures or points of interest without drawing attention to those structures. It is the recommendation of our team that research proceed in this area.

I’m Ted Stoltz.

This brief has been classified Top-Super-Duper-Maxi-Extreme-Ultra Secret. Thank you for your attention.