Not A Blog™

[This entry was originally posted on December 12, 2005. Not only is it still true today, I’ve had about four references to it just last week.]

A few days ago, someone commented on the size of my wallet. I’ve been told on numerous occasions that I have a “Costanza” wallet—after the Seinfeld episode where George has a wallet so thick he can’t sit properly. Har-dee-har har. Anyone with a wallet that big knows it goes in your front pants pocket.

Well, it appears everyone has seen this episode except me, so I’m constantly inundated with comments about the size of my huge wallet. The second most frequent comment I receive is the question: “What do you have in there?” (The most frequently asked question is: “is that your wallet!?”) Generally, it would take too long to list everything, so I usually end up shrugging and giving some generic answer such as, “stuff”.

In order that people might stop wondering what, exactly, is in my wallet, I’ve decided to list the contents here. Be aware as your read this that nothing here is planted. I actually do carry all this stuff around in my wallet. When I started writing this post, I just whipped the thing out, plopped it on the table, and started pulling out items. Presented for your approval, the contents of my wallet:

• $26 in bills
• $1.34 in change
• Driver’s License
• Debit Card
• Two credit cards
• Military ID
• Car registration
• Two car insurance papers, one of which is expired.
• Motorcycle registration
• Motorcycle insurance
• A key to my car. I carry this in my wallet as a backup to the key on my keychain. I thought that needed clearing up seeing as how some people told me that’s what keychains are for. Yeah, keychains with keys are a big help when you lock them inside your car. Hence this backup which I carry in my wallet.
• A thumb drive. This used to be on my keychain, too, but it got to be too much of a hassle to keep pulling it off every time I wanted to use it, so I carry it in my wallet now.
• Isaac’s (a local restaurant chain) club card
• Blood type identification/blood donor record card
• Two coupons for a free double cheese burger at Burger King (still valid)
• 42 Receipts for various purchases, the oldest dating from September 17, 2005
• 4 movie ticket stubs (the movies were: Batman Begins, Into the Blue, Harry Potter, and Narnia.)
• 1 baseball game ticket stub. I don’t even like baseball.
• 11 business cards from various businesses and contacts
• 5 of my own business cards to hand out to others
• PA College of Art and Design ID card
• PA College of Art and Design Library card
• PA College of Art and Design Ink Use card
• Barnes & Nobel membership card
• 2 Barnes & Nobel gift cards
• 1 Borders gift card. I have no idea how much is on it. I never shop at Borders because I have that membership to B&N
• One slip of paper with temporary health insurance information on it (expired)
• Health insurance card with current health insurance information
• Health insurance card from another health insurance provider, which expired in 2003
• Bank account numbers card
• Valvoline card
• Library System Member Card
• Selective Service Registration Confirmation Card
• Voter Registration Card
• US Department of Education Student Financial Assistance card listing my PIN to access their website.
• Josten’s Exclusive Lifetime Warranty card. I believe this is the oldest thing in my wallet, dating from my junior year in high school when I got my class ring.
• 3 luggage claim tickets
• Two quarter-sections of notebook paper with random notes on them. One is a website I wanted to remember to visit (never did), the other is hotel reservations for a trip I made in October.
• One blue post-it note that simply reads 8D-1. I have no idea what this means.

Any questions? Yes, you in the back?

Well if you must know, I’ll show you. This is what my wallet looks like, fully loaded:

At three and three-quarter inches, it’s pretty much the largest thing in my pants.

-Ted